My grandma opened the huge cupboard doors to get my sister and I scrap paper, pencils, and markers to draw and colour with. As she shuffled them out from under stacks of other things piled on top, my eyes scanned the other objects climbing each shelf towards the ceiling. Before they got there they landed on a narrow rectangular box with a strange word on the side and eyes (I remember there being eyes) peering out. OUIJA the box read. My head spun the word around and around until it spilled out over my lips and I asked my grandma, “what’s a OUIJA?” She passed me the paper and pens, stepped off the stool, and said, “It’s not for little girls.” The serious look on her face, her tone. I never asked about OUIJA again, but I looked for the box every time she opened the doors.
I’ve always been tempted by witches and magic. At night, I whispered spells into the darkness. But going to church told me that witches, spells, and magic that didn’t come from God, was the world of the devil and couldn’t/shouldn’t be trusted. Witches were everywhere though. I remember when The Craft came out. My friends and I watched it, clutching our sleeping bags to our chins, and when the end credits rolled on the TV, we gathered every candle we could find, lit them, and attempted “Light as a Feather, Stiff as Board.” We gathered around a girl laying still on the floor, slipped our fingers under here body and eyes closed, began chanting “Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board, Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board.” After about 10 minutes, nothing happened, and someone accused the girl of not “believing enough.” We abandoned it and someone pulled a OUIJA board out.
I wish I could go back and tell my tween and teen self that it wasn’t witches I should fear, it was those who made me question my own power that I should worry about, because in the end, that’s what the men who hunted witches truly feared. It wasn’t the devil or evil, it was that women might be able to be powerful, strong, and capable without the influence of men. And so, in my 30s I began (proudly) believing in magic again.
This summer gathered around a white patio table, an open umbrella over head, tree boughs swaying gently, francesca commanded we hold hands. I was at the Sunshine Coast Festival of the Written Arts sitting with new friends.
“What are we doing?” someone asked. My stomach ached from laughing, and my smile hadn’t faded since I arrived. We held hands.
“We’re casting a spell,” she answered. “Repeat after me.”
I don’t remember the spell, but we held hands and repeated her words. The intention of the spell was that our literary and creative dreams would come true. Over the days we’d been there we talked about relationships, sex, food, books, and writing (of course). We shared our literary wants and dreams, and gathered together we spoke them into being.
A couple weeks ago I texted franscesca after she won the Dayne Ogilvie Prize and said “THE SPELL WORKED.”
Then, after I said to a friend, “I need to go to Saskatchewan to really dig into this new book project. It feels necessary,” I got an email letting me know I’d been accepted to be a writer-in-residence at the Wallace Stegner House in Eastend, Saskatchewan in March.
For several months I was struggling to believe in my own creativity. I was struggling to believe in my own ability to put words and thoughts on paper. And so, I decided I could make magic, I could conjure my ideas, within me there’s power. And 15 minutes at a time, I started writing again. More importantly, I’ve started believing in my own magic again.
Exercise: Rituals
For the past few years, my writing practice has included drawing cards from a tarot deck. Full disclosure: I’m not a professional, don’t come to me with your readings. I practice tarot for myself and have incorporated it into how I write. I’m not the only person who does this either. My lovely writerly friend and phenomenal poet Shazia Hafiz Ramji wrote about tarot and writing for Open Book. How I use the cards has varied, but today I drew this card for us to use an writing exercise.
How to start: With a blank sheet of paper (or a new word document open) free write based on this card. What do you see initially? What do the colours say to you? How does it make you feel? Do this for about 5 minutes. Don’t scroll down! I want you to spend time with the card without knowing it’s meaning/significance.
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Once you’re finished free writing: This is the six of wands. It signifies victory, success, rising up. “From the dark and tangled branches emerges a butterfly. New life takes flight. If you’re not reveling in the joy of the success already, you will be soon. The six of wands is a card of victory, of rising up against the odds. The obstacles have been relentless, but now is not the time to look back upon them. The more pressing question is: Where will you go with your new set of wings?”
Spend another 5 minutes expanding on your initial free write. What does the meaning of this card say to you? How could it apply to your own creative work? Where will you go with your new set of wings?
What I'm reading: Lately, I’ve been consuming books by audiobook. I finished Danny Ramadan’s beautiful novel Foghorn Echoes over the weekend, and then immediately started Strangers in the House: A Story of Bigotry and Belonging by Candace Savage. If you’re a fan of nonfiction and haven’t read Candace Savage, first where have you been? And second, start reading her now! Ok, not right now, but when you can. I read her book A Geography of Blood in the summer and was totally taken by her approach to weaving history with the present and how she searches for the answer of a question making it part of the writing. Earlier this month, Candace won the Writers Trust’s Matt Cohen Award, which honours a lifetime of distinguished work.
What’s next on the reading list: Pacifique by Sarah L. Taggart. This book came to me as a review copy, but I’ve been eyeing it up for several months as I look at what’s coming out from Canadian independent publishers. If you haven’t been paying attention to the world of book awards (and don’t worry if you haven’t because book awards are weird and complicated, and I say this as someone who works for the BC and Yukon Book Prizes) independent presses are getting a lot of spotlight for the amazing and often genre-bending work. Pacifique is described as a psychological thriller that grapples with the questions: “is losing one’s sanity so different from falling in love?”
What I'm watching: Surprisingly I’m not watching anything right now. I’ve been knitting and listening to audiobooks these days. But a show I recently watched, and really enjoyed was Karen Pirie. It’s a British/Scottish crime drama (and you know how I feel about those) starting Lauren Lyle, who you might recognize from Outlander (if you endured that show into season 4. You can find Karen Pirie on Britbox.
What I'm cooking: In the last month I’ve made gourmet burgers with bacon jam and pimento cheese, a vanilla bean cheesecake (made in the Instant Pot), and this beautiful apple pie. Of course there have been other things because a girl’s gotta eat, but those are the most memorable. (And yes I know I over cooked the crust, but it was still tasty!)
Your beautiful pie looks like a Georgia O'Keeffe painting!