On finding my way...again
the slow path back to my writing practice
I write all the time. I write emails, grocery lists, grant applications, to-do lists, cards and letters to friends, text messages, Tweets. I write book reviews and blog posts for other people. I scribble notes in notebooks. But this isn’t what I want to write. What I want to write is beautiful pages and paragraphs of prose. I want to write poetic descriptions of characters moving through a real or imagined landscape. I want to write about longing and desire. I want to write, but for months it hasn’t come.
I get the urge to write but then it fades. But I think maybe that’s changing. The urge rose up a couple weeks ago ask I worked on a grant application for a second book idea. Like a blooming mosquito bite it became intense and has lingered. I haven’t written anything yet, because I feel like something has changed. The way I used to write, early in the morning, blurry eyed, may not work any more. Since having COVID in June I’ve struggled to wake up much before 7:30 am. So, maybe I’m not a morning writer anymore? Maybe like many writers I admire, I need to make a date for myself to spend time alone with endless mugs of tea to just spill all the thoughts on my head on to the page. Maybe I will write with pen and paper at the beginning like I did with my last manuscript. Maybe I will outline and plot this time? Or maybe not?
I’m not really sure what this new book idea needs yet, but what I do know is that what my writing needs most right now is kindness. It’s ok for this time to be slow and thoughtful. It’s ok if I don’t write every day, or even every week. It’s ok if this book takes longer to write than the last one. What I need to do is be kind with myself and this process, because this is sacred work as Sue Goyette said in a workshop once. And I’ve been thinking a lot about something Saeed Jones shared in his newsletter, which came from Louise Erdrich, and she spoke about how it isn’t our job to make readers happy, but it’s our job to make them feel alive. I’ve never been able to put into words what I love so much about reading and what I strive for in writing, but it’s that, I want to feel alive when I’m lost in a book, and I hope to make others feel that when they read my work. And to achieve this in a creative work isn’t an easy undertaking. It takes time, generosity, and care. It also takes a lot of kindness, with ourselves and with our readers.
Exercise:
Find a new road map.
We often stick to the road most travelled. To deviate from what’s familiar can be scary, but in the discomfort, in the unknown, we find new inspiration. In this exercise I’m challenging you to find a new road map. For this I want you to find a recipe, a grocery list, an ad in a magazine or newspaper, a wanted listing on Facebook or Craigslist (is that still a thing?) Use this found piece of text and write into it. Write into what’s missing? Who wrote that text and who was it for? What was happening around them? What happened before and after? Don’t spend too much time looking for your road map, because it’s just a jumping off point and we don’t want your inner critic to take over.
What I'm reading: I just started reading We Want What We Want by Alix Ohlin. I’m talking to Alix for the BC and Yukon Book Prizes podcast. I’ve had the pleasure of chatting with her before, and can’t wait to talk about her award-winning book of short stories. I’m about three stories in and can’t wait to get back to it. The characters in this book are complicated, funny, and infectious, and the prose is so rich in a way that reminds me of how magical short stories can be!
What’s next on the reading list: Disorientation: Being Black in the World by Ian Williams. Ian is an award-winning writer. He won the Giller for his novel Reproduction, and Distorienation was a finalist for the Hilary Weston Prize and the 2022 Hubert Evans Non-Fiction Prize.
What I'm watching: I had been binge-watching British crime dramas (not much of a surprise there). Some favourites recently were White House Farm, The Cry, and Deceit. I just, like minutes ago, finished the new season of The Sinner. This was a show I really enjoyed for two seasons and then the third season just lost me, but I’m happy to say season four had me guessing and intrigued the whole time.
What I'm cooking: I’ve been welcoming the rain back to the West Coast of British Columbia with some cozy cooking. Last night it was spaghetti and meatballs, using Julia Turshen’s turkey and ricotta meatball recipe. Tonight, I’m feeling a big hearty soup is in order, and luckily this recipe from The Flourist arrived for a creamy potato, leek, and bean soup!
